I noticed this book mainly because of Bookstagram Nigeria and I’m so glad I did. I tried to buy it on Amazon Canada but I couldn’t find it. So, when my parents were visiting from Nigeria and asked what I wanted them to bring for me, it was a no brainer! Tomorrow I become a woman was one of two things they brought for me. Shortly after I started reading it, I found out it was on scribd which meant, I ended up listening as I read.
Summary
TIBAW is a coming-of-age story of Obianuju, a woman whose life was turned upside down by patriarchy. Set in the 80s/90s, It follows her journey right from when she was in university with her two best friends; (Ada and Chinelo) until she was married with kids to an abusive man. Like most women, she wanted more for herself and later for her children but sadly, just like in reality, moving from an abusive situation wasn’t easy.
My thoughts
There’s a lot to talk about with this one but I’ll keep it short. Nigeria is such a patriarchal country and women continue to suffer as a result. Tell me why a mother will go through an abusive marriage and not kill anyone who tries to abuse her daughter in the name of marriage.
Yes, the story itself is sadly not new. Yes, Nnuego from Joys of motherhood, Ogadinma from Ogadinma and Obianuju are fictional characters but sadly, it is the reality of a lot of Nigerian women and will continue to be until we stop enabling nonsense in the name of tradition and culture.
I often hear people telling young people to extend grace to the older generations/ our parents because they don’t know any better and while I get it, I also think we need to start having honest conversations with them because unlearning and relearning is not reserved for young people. I was so upset at Obianuju’s mom and it was conflicting because on the one hand, she’s a victim but on the other hand, a terrible mother who was given so many opportunities to break the cycle but chose to uphold the patriarchy.
This further explores the mother daughter relationship in this book. Obianuju loved her mother despite knowing she didn’t always do what was best for her. She went to her for advice knowing what type of advice she’d get but she didn’t stop. If anything, I’d say she extended grace to her mother. Her mother upset me so much and I kept telling myself “If only her mother thought differently, this babe will not be here dealing with this nonsense”
The female friendship in the book was nice to read. They were present for each other. They cried together, helped each other even when they didn’t agree on things. It felt genuine.
Writing
Aiwanose’s writing is absolutely incredible! Her words brought each place to life, making it feel as if I was right there, experiencing everything alongside the characters. Speaking of characters, they felt like genuine friends and neighbors, so relatable and well-developed. The story itself flowed effortlessly, capturing my attention from the very beginning and holding it until the end. I was completely engrossed in Obianuju’s journey, feeling like I was on an exhilarating roller coaster ride. It definitely stirred up some intense emotions, but oddly enough, I found myself enjoying every moment of it. And let me tell you, the humor was on point! Nneka Okoye, the audiobook narrator, brought the church scenes to life, and I couldn’t help but burst out laughing. Aiwanose also added a subtle slow-burn romance in the background, which added a lovely touch to the overall story. While it may not be the central focus, you can’t help but feel its presence.
Verdict
Now I know this story isn’t new and it’s sadly almost familiar but these stories still need to be told because we assume these practices are things of the old. We assume this generation of women won’t stay with abusive partners but just the other day, one of the BBN contestant, a young woman was defending abuse with her chest and the defense was “he does nice things for her. People don’t see that one oh”. I have been a victim of abuse and I know it’s absolutely not as easy as it seems to just leave but maybe if we try to keep talking about it and create safe spaces for women, things will start to change.
It’s a necessary read and one I fully recommend. The first book by a Nigerian author I thoroughly enjoyed this year. A solid 5 star read!
You’ll like this if you enjoyed
- Ogadinma by Olisakwe
- The joys of motherhood by Buchi Emecheta
- Stay with me by Ayobami Adebayo
– TOSIN –
Loved your review and couldn’t agree more. Just realizing Nnuego, Ogadinma, Obianuju 🤔. Probably a harmless coincidence at name choices by the writers. This cycle of patriarchy and abuse certainly cuts across all of our ethnic groups sadly.
Thanks for reading, Rukky! I didn’t realize it until you said it. But you’re absolutely right. It sure cuts across all ethnic groups.
Thank you for your review. I was thrilled to know that someone shared in my anger for Obiagheli (Uju’s mum). Maybe not as intense though. She ruined her daughter’s life far whose than Gozie did. She failed as a mother and as a woman. Her being a victim wasn’t reason enough. Uju suffered worse fate than she did but would still not enable such abuse in the name of marriage nor wish it for her daughters.
And yes the review about the friendship portrayed was so on point. That was the very first positive thing I picked and spoke to my friends about. It was genuine, pure and real.